I was gardening the other day and it seems my mind races when I am touching God’s earth, so many thoughts overwhelming me as I was cutting the brush back. I began thinking about the act of pruning and the lack of pruning I performed over the years in the homes I lived in. I heard all these teachings on pruning and I understood the allegory so well, but I never physically applied it, I never attempted to prune bushes and plants and see what could change.
But What to prune?
I read in Necessary Endings about ‘when its time to prune’, and the three things you want you prune, according to the book, are #1 branches that are sick, #2 diseased, or #3 dead. I thought about this the whole time I was working on the landscaping. I thought about my life and the things I continued to pursue that clearly had problems from the beginning. I thought about different departments in organizations I had been a part of and thought about how I would apply this to various areas of my life if I were to go back and change things. Mostly as I have been stewing over this analogy the past few months I have become unafraid to “over trim” my yard. That might sound silly, but as I dove into the bushes, and these bushes were hard and rough and didnt cut easily, I began getting angry as if I was believing this lie my whole life to be gentle, speak softly, dont be over powering, dont hurt peoples feelings, avoid conflict, etc., and something rose up in me. I started cutting more and more vigorously to the point of my arms shaking from having no strength left. I grabbed smaller hand cutters and kept going, digging my arms in to the depth of the bushes, scraping myself up painfully, but in the moment I couldn’t even feel it. All I could think of was that every little dead piece of these horrific bushes needed to go- and fast!
At the end, they were scrapped bare, like my arms, but I felt great! I felt like if there is any hope of keeping these bushes their new growth will look appealing come spring- or else I will cut them down completely without hesitation!
TRANSACTIONAL LOVE
During this whole two day process of trimming all the bushes and trees a separate but related thought process echoed in my mind. I began thinking about “what love looks like”. Does pruning show I am loving this bush? It’s not fruit bearing. It’s not flower bearing. It can not serve me or give back to me in anyway, but here I am spending my time and energy over a whole weekend on them.
Consciously or unconsciously we give to receive, it’s in our nature. There is a reciprocal effort to loving and being loved. Caring and being cared for. It’s natural that receiving affirmation and encouragement would overflow out of you to encourage the other back. We might not be consciously aware, but face it, we do give with expectation, at least the majority of the time. We shine at work hoping we’ll be noticed by our boss. We bless our neighbors hoping when we need a favor they will be there. We even do things for our spouse expecting they will fulfill our needs back to us. I’m not saying that everyone only does things for one another expecting things in return, but certainly this is a learned understanding of the way the world works.
As I take inventory and consider that I too have been guilty of transaction in my relationships I must ask myself, have I understood that loving God is for a return? For something He should give me as reward? Am I expecting a reward for my good behavior from the universe- like karma? If I knew there was nothing I would receive back from God or the universe, would I still be a kind, generous person? Does it make me feel good to be kind? Or does it make me feel good to think that something good will come back to me because I am kind? These are the thoughts wrestling, no, warring, in my head as I am battling the thick trunks of bushes with the chainsaw.
The language of love
Many, myself included, have attributed that love can be given and received in ways such as act of service, gift giving, words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time. But aren’t these products themselves? If love is not a transaction, if love is not something to trade, than can it be measured? I can say, “if you love me than show me by your demonstration through acts of service.”
But then I must wonder if that truly is love if I can give acts of service, for example, without any love attached to it at all. There must be something behind the act of service, a charge, a force if you will, love. So then the question remains how to give love for love
Love is presence
Can you sit in a room with someone, say no words, give no actions, and feel loved? This is what we run to and run away from with God. There is no greater love felt than simply being in God’s presence, could you agree? To be in the presence of another and feel love, is truly love. When there is nothing to gain from it, nothing to stoke it to keep it going, it simply is. If “God is love”, like 1 John 4:7-21 tells us, then we must understand all love comes from Him, the originator and sustainer of love. There is no love apart from God. God’s love filling us and fueling us gives us the love to give to others period. I simply cannot love apart from Him.
“Love for love” is not a transaction at all, but a continuous loop. It is a natural outpouring of what’s inside. I have come to realize, when love is not organic in its reception, it will be synthetic in its delivery. This is worth meditation, can we just love for the sake of love?